Lately, I have been obsessed with Aziz Ansari. I have been following his blog www.azizisbored.com, where he posts conversations between him and his cousins about television shows and music, his friendship with Kanye and all sorts of other good stuff. I do declare you should check it! While on his page, I took a look at this interview on Jimmy Kimmel. The first few minutes are pretty great.
I always get a real kick when after I tell someone my parents are Pakistani, they start to ask me if I have seen “Slumdog Millionaire” or “Persepolis”. Neither of which have anything to do with me. It’s like that time in French class when my teacher told another student to ask me how to make couscous. Up until that point in time, I had no idea that couscous even existed.
I am not really a big fan of Halloween or dressing up, but I suppose when you are out of the country, you kind of miss missing out. We had heard through the grapevine that some pub by my house was having a Halloween night and there would be prize for the best costume. We didn’t think Lorient was a big fan of Halloween or that even French people celebrated the day. Allison, Ramon and myself decided on one rainy day (like many other days here) that we would go as Crayola crayons. We headed downtown and found a cardboard box along the way, bought a bunch of glue, construction paper and paint, then got to work. While debating which crayon to be, our friend Ramon kept insisting on being a white crayon. My question is: who actually likes white crayons? Also, what are they good for? They are completely useless along with peach. Anyways, after we had recruited two more crayons and a drawing, we let Ramon be his precious white crayon.
Costume preparation
All the crayons and our drawing! (left to right) Frauke, Allison, Ramon, Rachael and (upfront) Carlos.
Kicking out the white crayon
Banished
Side A by Allison. Carlos is saying to the unicorn that you are my magical beast. The unicorn responds lovingly with "i love you".
Side B by yours truly. Giant bear and pink unicorn hanging out by the goldfish pond.
So, when we arrived at the pub, they were passing out these Halloween quizzes. Most of them were pretty easy questions like “when is Halloween celebrated?” and “What is the day after Halloween called?”. The other questions, I wasn’t so sure about. If there is anything that I took away from the 6th grade, it was to never leave a blank answer. Who knows maybe you will get credit for creativity? Having that in mind, I answered questions like “What is another name for a werewolf?” and “who started the tradition of dressing up in costumes?” with “Professor Lupin” and “David Bowie”. I might have put other things in there like “laughing so hard that you have an accident” and something about Casper the friendly ghost. The moment of truth came later on in the evening and well! We won! Wearing my onesie longjohn the entire evening paid off. Success.
Bienvenue! I have been caught up with house guests and running usual paperwork errands. As I have been getting a little better acquainted with other language assistants in the city, I have noticed a little trend in conversation topics. It usually tends to be about vacation plans or post-France plans. There seems to be a lot of similarities between our time here in France and prison. I don’t mean the maximum security prisons or private prisons, just your old, run of the mill prison minus all the “drop the soap” hanky panky.
Let’s break it down:
- In both prison and France, we are entitled to the basic necessities such as food, water, and toilet facilities. However, internet, television, radio, movies, “extra” special food like Nutella are considered luxuries or privileges. I don’t even have a good kitchen knife. I almost lost my cool when trying to cook yellow squash last week.
- Limited access to outdoor/indoor exercise facilities as well as the library. I am only allowed to take a certain number of cds and books, each time I hope that the librarian doesn’t make me pick and choose, but alas I usually stand at the counter weighing my options.
- Assistants and prisoners always talk about “when I go back home, I plan on bla bla bla”.
- We are allowed outside visitors, such as friends and family, however the time is very limited. Let’s not forget the limited phone time.
- The most important similarity that is essential for survival is to make friends on the inside.
I’ve also noticed that sometimes French people talk to me like I am mentally retarded or deaf. They speak very slowly, which is good for comprehension, but then they speak very, very loudly. My roommate, Cécile, has been doing this so much that when she hangs out with her French friends they look at her like there is something the matter. This prompted me to come up with a joke: “How do you know when a French person has just spoken with an American? They are talking very slowly and loudly.” Wah waaaaah!
Things in France are swell! Sophie and I have hatched out a plan to invite language assistants who hail from other exotic countries over so we can get a delicious meal! The only people not allowed over are English. I won’t go into details, but she looked like she would hurl chunks if she had to eat an English meal. Unfortunately, Sophie is back home so she missed out on a Spanish and Mexican meal and tonight she will miss out on a Chinese cuisine. Tant pis! However, all of those people have agreed to cook again when she returns.
I also embraced some French stereotypes, such as the one displayed in the picture below.
It didn’t last long! I did take some plan of action and decided to get rid of my lucious patches of hair. I had to after I almost gave a friend a heartattack during a Skype date. Also, I kept scaring myself when I would look in the mirror, change clothes or shower. I would look down, jump, and say “what the…oh hey you.” It was time. I have a feeling I’ll be seeing those guys again soon, but not too soon.
“You will have to relearn how to do everything,” is what my former boss, Duan, told me before I left for France. Did I believe her? Not really. I didn’t think it was going to be a bit rough. In the past few weeks, I had to do the following:
1) Open up a French bank account. Thankfully, my bank lady, Stéphanie was more than helpful! It was pretty simple.
2) Fill out housing application. Usually when I hear a French person talk, I don’t catch it the first time around so I ask again and if they could speak a bit slower. So, they repeat themselves and they still haven’t slowed down. So then I give up and say “okay!”. I had to go back to the housing office three times because the first two I didn’t understand and the third I needed some account information from my bank.
3) Library. Hey! I’m pretty excited about this!
4) School paperwork and figuring out my teaching schedule.
5) Got a French phone number!
After I had completed all of the above, I gave myself a high-five! I felt like I was on top of the world. I was singing Puff Daddy’s “Can’t Hold Me Down”. Unfortunately, my small victories usually don’t last very long. For instance at the bank, I had to go pick up my ATM card and they were asking for some paperwork. I had forgotten it at home so I went back the next day. They said it wasn’t the right forms and so I started to get nervous. Even the tellers were getting nervous because we didn’t know how to communicate with one another. They tracked down Stéphanie, who thankfully took care of everything. Duan was not kidding when she said that I would have to start all over.
My classes are good! Basically, I just go into class with a bunch of activities that will get the students to converse in English. It’s pretty entertaining and I think they have a good time. There are a few classes where I just think someone needs to make it end quickly. There is of course a lot of misunderstandings and lack of communication between the staff and myself at times. For instance, I found out the day before that I had to be in another town for my assistant orientation. I also found out that there is a week A and a week B.
So, I went to this assistant orientation in Vannes and I found out there are many other assistants here in Lorient. They are from Columbia, Mexico, Italy, Spain, Germany England, Scotland, America, Canada, etc.
Here is a group of American assistants and myself:
As soon as I saw this picture, I laughed out loud. It reminded me of how miserable I looked on my first day at pre-school. Was I miserable in this picture? A bit! I had missed my morning train and then when I arrived in Vannes, I walked all over the city looking for the school. I have never sweated so much in my life.
So, one of the assistants teaches in Port-Louis. A small town that is a boat ride away! When I heard boat, I said sign me up! Some of the assistants and myself spent a few hours there. Here are some pictures I swiped:
Waiting for the boat.
Blinded by the sun.
Port Louis
One of those European type of streets.
Oh this? It's my house.
And this is my car. Hi car!
Let's not forget my favorite random nude couple hiding in the corner!
Sorry if this post seemed a bit dry! It should be smooth sailing from here on out! Get it? Sailing? Ha ha ha.
I’ll start at the beginning. Just as a warning this might be a bit long for the first France update. I left St. Louis after having a wonderful breakfast with some friends at Meshuggah. The company and food were wonderful! I always like leaving a place on a full tank. I’ll fast forward now to the last plane ride because I want to mention this amazingly beautiful sunrise that I saw as I flew into Paris. I would’ve taken a picture of it, but honestly I don’t think any photo could have done it justice. Along the horizon was a strip of pomegranate red that then faded into a burnt orange and later mixed with some greens and blues. It was a beautiful way to kick start an adventure.
Finally, I land in Paris and rather than thinking “Holy crap! I am finally here”, I immediately think to getting my bags and getting to the train so I can find space for my suitcases. Some of the trains in France aren’t exactly equipped with baggage space suitable for international travelers. I got lucky with the first train and was able to relax a bit. The next train however, I was not so lucky. The storage space was the size of a linen closet and the train was pretty full. I was standing in between both cars along with a French woman who had a giant iMAC box and huge suitcase. The whole train ride towards the west, we were playing musical suitcases. It got even more complicated as more passengers got on the train. At one point, we had 5 people crammed in this small pathway with all these suitcases. Infact, one of the suitcases fell out from the storage space and hit this poor girl on the head. I really wanted to tell her to go get it checked out by a doctor because the same thing happened to the Oxy-Clean guy while he was on a plane and we all know what happened to him! However, I continued being a mute. When we arrived at the next stop, we all arranged the suitcases again, I got off the train briefly with another passenger so others could debark. This cranky old man started shoving all the suitcases and cussing about because he couldn’t get by. Everyone in the pathway was trying to explain the situation to him, but he wouldn’t hear it. (Note: I’m standing alongside iMac girl behind the French man and we are all facing the train). The next thing I hear is that the old man calls this one woman a “salope”, which means bitch/cunt/slut. Everyone’s jaw just dropped! We were all speechless. No time to waste, back on the train I go!
After that little show, I arrive 20 minutes later to Lorient! Finally! I get picked up from the train station and driven to my new place. The English teacher, Jean-François made it seem like I lived so far, when in reality the train station is right around the corner from where I live. Anyways, my place is great! There are four French students that live here and two couples. One couple lives on the top floor and the other lives on the bottom. All of the students and myself have our own separate rooms. On each floor we share a bathroom and a toilet. We all share a well-equipped kitchen! Everyone has their own set of dishes and cabinets. The great thing is that if I ever want a kitchen utensil like a blender or something, all I have to do is call my landlady and she will get it for me. Yay! Also, I learned that I can apply for government housing assistance. My landlady, Mme. Guèymard, told me that the last assistant received 200 euros a month. That’s awesome because that’s my rent not including utilities! Money in the bank!
I’m trying really hard not make this so long! So, my housemates are adorable! They are absolutely the cutest! I’ll break it down like this:
Jule: I have met him once. Homeboy is never home because he is probably at his girlfriends or at least thats what we think.
Cécile: Fine arts student. Super kind, patient, and vibrant! Loves Balkan music.
Sophie: English student. Loves Reggae and men with dreads. Absolutely adorable.
(I loved when I asked Cécile and Sophie what kind of music they like, they both responded with two unique answers that I definitely did not anticipate. Usually when you ask someone what kind of music they like, they say, “I listen to everything except for country.” I was completely thrown off by these two!).
Adeline: Don’t know too much about her, but I think she studies Insurance.
My first full day in Lorient was amazing! I definitely didn’t expect it. I was just easing into my day and about to take a nap then I heard a knock at my door. It was Cécile. She introduced herself and we talked a bit. Then I told her I needed to go to the government housing assistant office sometime and she said we could go right then and there. Sophie came along as well! We found that the office was closed, but the girls were so kind to show me around town and give me the lowdown on where to go if I need certain things. Both girls asked if I had any questions and I told them the story about Carre-four. The day when I had arrived, I went to Carre-four, which is a grocery store here and tried to buy bananas. The weight machine for produce is intimidating with all its buttons and numbers! I don’t know! I just remember standing 5 feet away and thinking well maybe I can get away with not weighing it. Wrong! The cashier said there’s no sticker and I mumbled something in French and shook my head like a crazy person. Cécile and Sophie laughed about it and took me to Carre-four to show me how to buy bananas. It was cute because they both clapped their hands together at the same time and said, “Alors! Les bananes!”. Later on in the evening, I had the most MIND BLOWING dinner EVER!!!! Cécile and Sophie made caramel crêpes from scratch. Hoooooooooly cow! As soon as I took a bite, I almost fell off my stool. I’ve never tasted anything like it! Sophie and I just giggled with pure joy.
WHEW! Ok, so I think that is a good place to end! There has been lots more that has taken place since, but I will update about that later on this week.
I learned a few things in the first two to three days such as how to buy bananas, don’t wear socks when going down the stairs because you will fall and hurt yourself, and how to make crêpes! I definitely realize how hard it is for little children to communicate with adults and how frustrating it can be! I find myself mentally exhausted at the end of the day. Not only do I talk like a little kid, but I fall down like one too! Luckily, Cécile was there to bandage me up afterwards.
Is that a baguette or are you just really happy to see this list? (I had to go there). The Ladies of the Seasonally Prepared Boyfriend Committee took a break this past summer because well, let’s face it! Who could top Spring’s one and only, Mr. Andrew Hung? Summer was more for those flings, living carefree, and maybe even lowering the bar. However, school is back in session and so are we! We compiled a list that only an Autumnal French or French inspired boyfriend could meet. As you know, we only want the crème de la crème.
1) Just because summer is over doesn’t mean the outdoor fun has to come to an end. No sir! We love playing outside as much as les enfants! We like our guys to be well rounded individuals. Men who appreciate the simple and finer things in life . In this case, rolling down hills into giant piles of fallen leaves! After we have splashed our way into the heap, our guy thoughtfully brings the leaves back into a pile so that we may once again roll on in.
2) Rolling around in leaves can sure work up an appetite! What would Fall be like without pie? Luckily for us, we never have to find out. Chocolate pecan? Pumpkin? Apple cinnamon? Ladies and Gents, we don’t call him prepared for nothing. He made sure to bring the whole team along with some of his homemade apple cider from his private apple orchard. (Yes, we love apple cider so much that it made it onto another list!)
3) The French really love their vacation time and so do we! What’s better than sailing along the French coast to Portugal? Sailing along the French coast in an enchanted boat filled with twinkle-light adorned trees surrounding a tepee! As if this trip wasn’t magical enough, he brought his dream piano! This baby is a rarity, just like our boyfriend. This piano composes the most beautiful dreams that light up the night sky.
4) It’ll be getting chilly out, which means time to bundle up! Luckily, he carries around an extra scarf that he made himself from his own herd of sheep! Talk about keeping it local and organic!
5) No list would be complete without the low-down on facial hair. Last time, the ladies and myself were quite fond of the clean shave and we even accepted a creepy molestache. This time around, we are looking for a full on mustache WITH a twist. We aren’t talking about the twisted ends that you create with some product. That would be a crime against all mustaches sacred and dear! We want the natural twist at the ends! A little something we can get our fingers on. Our thoughts if you have a beard this season? You are jumping the gun my friend! It’s like eating dessert before dinner. In the words of Disaster Experiments very own Kyle Sennish: “Our love and friendship will only grow over the years, like the beard of a wise man, our love will be full and flowing.”
6) Achoo! Looks like it’s sniffles time. Good thing notre garçon is immune to everything ranging from chapped lips to the swine flu. Even though he might be immune, we unfortunately are not. Thankfully, homeboy carries an embroidered handkerchief so we may wipe our nose and chapstick. Bless his heart!
7) We love flannel. We do, but we want a little more this time. Lovely cardigans made by his truly with elbow patches please!
Let’s finish up this list with a few toppings:
-Professional whistler! Our petit ami can carry a tune when it comes to “L’Alouette” and “Frère Jacques”. He also has no problem hailing down a cab.
- Scooter with a sidecar. The sidecar is definitely not for us. It’s actually for this guy:
Yes, in France even the dogs smoke.
- Boo! Halloween is just around the corner, mais ne t’inquiète pas! Ours truly is an expert when it comes to carving jack-o-lanterns. We will be celebrating Halloween at a haunted house near the French Riviera. As for costumes, he is going as Sherlock Holmes and the dog as Watson. Who doesn’t love a good mystery?
- Homemade caramel crêpes at midnight!
- Portable puppet theater that he takes to children’s hospitals to cheer the little ones up. Of course there is a little monkey that plays the cymbals! What do we look like amateurs?
Well, creating this list over some delicious fro-yo was definitely not easy! However, Sanita, Emily and I did it once again! Here he is folks:
Mr. Mos Def himself! You may be asking yourself how is he French or French-inspired? Mos Def has 2 children from a previous marriage and 6 other children with three other women. What could be more French than that? Not to mention, how he stole our hearts in “Be Kind Rewind” and “Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy”.
As for runner up, we gots ourselves a tie between:
Le petit Prince and Luke Lalonde! How could we not choose these two? With songs like “Foxes Mate for Life” and “Little Garçon” it was a pretty easy decision. Plus, Luke’s name is French! As for Le Petit Prince? No explanation necessary.
Here is a little treat for your ears from Magic Magic called “French Song”:
(This live version is a little intense, but if you get a hold of the song from off their album, it’s pretty good!).
I made it. I survived being 22. If you know me, then you know I am a bit paranoid with a splash of nervous. The story goes that when I would glance at the time, it was most often at 8:22. At first, I never thought anything of it, but after a month I started to think that maybe my golden year would be my last. Well, I am 23 now and so relieved. This year, I am not holding back. Well, I will hold back a bit. Inspired by a lovely list-maker, Mia Nolting, I am making a list myself. A list consisting of 23 things that are a must do or something to aspire to.
I am writing this list on a whim so hopefully, it will be added to and changed. I am hoping to accomplish a majority of this list in the 6 months that I am away.
1) Learn to whistle. I was watching a Sesame Street podcast with my niece and the topic was “practice”. The little kids in the podcast were very encouraging when they said to keep practicing when it comes to whistling. One little girl even said it took her two years. Hopefully, I can get this done in a shorter amount of time.
2) Master a cartwheel.
3) Obtain an accordion and actually be good at playing it. Of course, like Sesame Street says, I must practice.
4) Read 23 books. There is a minimum page requirement of 200.
5) Run 12 miles straight by next August.
6) Write letters. If possible, send them by folding them into paper airplanes.
7) During my time abroad, visit a new country each month.
Alright, this is what I have so far and I will be sure to add more to it later. I just ran across this music video by They Might Be Giants and I absolutely adore it! I am not a huge fan of TMBG, but I do wish I were the girl driving this car.
Good thing I remembered my password to this! Whew! Well, I made it back to St. Louis! It really isn’t as bad as I thought it would be. It’s pretty great with a few downsides of course. Let’s get to those later! I think it is time for a “What did Irum learn/do while in Portland?” session.
Cats come in boxes:
Avocado on a cheese slice is very delicious even if it is from Stark Naked Pizza:
The sunsets are amazing especially this one:
Delicious food:
(Insert a voodoo donut picture here)**
The game Apples to Apples can really reveal a lot about your friends:
Anyways, you get the idea. I didn’t learn a whole lot, but I learned enough. Portland, I will miss you and you have been truly amazing!
Being back in St. Louis has brought out some old habits that I thought were lost forever. While working at a children’s store in Portland, I was pretty cautious when it came to saying words like “shit” or “fuck”. Now when driving I say the most horrible things that I never thought I would ever say again. Words like “you fucking idiot” or “i’ll show you! you piece of shit”. I don’t know where it comes from! Road rage has resurfaced. I get so exhausted from driving, not to mention remembering where I parked the car after I leave a store. My mom would be washing my mouth out with soap if she only knew!
I wish St. Louis or any city had a drive-thru grocery store. WOULDN’T THAT BE AWESOME!? I hate it when I am going out at 10 o’clock at night and my mom asks me to pick up some milk. Well, there isn’t a 24 hour grocery store nearby so I have to go out of my way to get it. Aha! If only there was some little drive-thru place that carried the basics: eggs, milk, butter, bread, sugar and flour. My day would be so much easier. Also, while we are on the topic of convenience let’s get to the Emergency Room. I had to take my mom to the ER the other night (nothing serious) and we had to wait only a short while, but what about everyone else? Why can’t there be a drive thru service for that too? “You just need an injection so you don’t die? No problem. Here you go! Pay at the next window!” I am not asking too much. I mean isn’t that what America is all about? Fast, friendly, and convenient service?
Everyone loves a good mystery. Even if they say they don’t, they do. I am a huge fan of mysteries. Before I came out to Portland, I would wait until 1:30 a.m. when Alfred Hitchcock Presents would come on. Two of my favorite movies are “Rear Window” and “Manhattan Murder Mystery” . Both involving snoopy neighbors. I guess you could say I am a snoopy neighbor, but that is only because I am surrounded by characters that would in fact be in a movie such as the ones mentioned. Let me begin with the couple that lives across the hall because they are eerily strange. Anytime I come home and we are close to crossing paths, they will turn and go the other way. Do I smell that bad? I have no idea. I have come home on two separate occasions late at night where their door was wide open and there wasn’t even a light on. Their cats were just sulking around. What do I believe is really going on? I have learned from my murder mysteries to never trust my neighbors. I know there is that saying or something “love thy neighbor”. Is that before or after I become chopped liver? I’ll pass. They could be extremely boring too though or that is what they want me to think. I think the guy, who I will call “M” as to not give away his real name is a crook. I think he is a real life cat burglar. He even dresses in all black. His lady partner, I believe, has absolutely no idea why he is so awkward during the day time. I think he purposely ignores me because I am catching on.
Next character!
What you do not see in this picture is a white toyato corolla parked and a woman with chin length grayish hair and glasses, chain-smoking. Every evening when I am preparing dinner, there she is in her car sitting for a good hour, just smoking and looking out the window. Eventually, she gets out of the car and goes to her apartment which is located in the building behind mine. What do I think is going on? I think she used to be really freagin’ happy. Stinkin’ happy that is. She used to love coming home from work and seeing her husband. Then her husband hit a mid-life crisis and things changed. He probably didn’t even go through the normal mid-life crisis things like getting a brand new car and dying his hair. Instead, he decided to collect state spoons and watches “The Antique Roadshow” on PBS. Actually, I will tell you what I really think is going on. I think she is actually a ghost whisperer. She is trying to make an apartment ghost-free, but the situation has gotten a bit sticky. It turns out the ghost used to be one of her old loves. Yea…so now she doesn’t want the ghost to be gone. She sits in the car and thinks of what to do. Either way, I like seeing her in her car smoking.
I know I said I would never love my neighbor, but I love this dog, Pascale. He is the grumpiest, dumbest, but all around sweetest dog. I can usually find him out front or in the backyard barking until he realizes who you are and then he grabs a stuffed animal to show off. Recently, he has developed a droopy eye. I think that neighbor “M” had something to do with this one.
