For Our Elegant Caste

Spring has sprung!  Wutang! For all those who managed to survive the dreadful cold of winter, give yourself a gold star.  If you managed to survive without a snowstorm prepared boyfriend, then you are better off because whatever standards were made for the winter definitely do not apply for the spring season.  Is the rain getting you down?  Don’t worry because here is your April Showers Bring May Flowers seasonally prepared list of requirements for a boyfriend.

1)  The sun is shining, the birds are chirping “Getting Better” by The Beatles, kids are doing double dutch, and then in comes a grey cloud, dumping lollipops amount of rain.  No worries though, because your drizzle prepared boyfriend made sure to pack an umbrella large enough to shelter the both of you from the rain.  This is no ordinary umbrella.  No, no.  This is an umbrella that comes fully equipped with a heater, so with each and every step you stay dry, cozy, and happy while watching other people get drenched. This umbrella has been tested by German Nobel prize winning scientists.

2)  All this walking under the heated umby can make a couple a bit parched.  Well, good thing that your seasonally prepared boyfriend always packs a thermos containing delicious apple cider made and picked by his truly.  Better start taking notes Johnny Appleseed!  Also, let’s not forget that he carries a basket full of delicious donuts.  What a guy.

3) Not only does your seasonally prepared boyfriend have an apple orchard, but he has his very own secret garden all thanks to his certified green thumb!  This secret garden is sure to blow Frances Hodgson Burnett’s novel out of the water.  We’re talking acres upon acres of delicious fruit, waterfalls, butterflies fluttering about, flowers being carried down from the sky by hummingbirds, mermaids laying about, and row boats!  Yes, row boats for when it is time to go a rowing under rainbows formed by the waterfall mist.

4) What do we love more than relaxing in boats?  Relaxing in boats while boy wonder plays the harmonica.  What’s even better?  He is a classically trained harmonica player that knows every tune by heart.

5) Now it’s time we talk facial hair.  I know last season, Emily & I had said that a beard would be great because then you could keep both of our faces warm.  Seasons change and keeping a beard requires great maintenance.  All the humidity is sure to frizz it up.  If you ain’t using frizz-ease then it’s time to clip that shit.  A creepy molestache will do or a little stubble, but we figure since nature is having a fresh start, you should too!

6) Uh excuse!  Fresh starts also mean fresh kicks! Don’t even think about wearing soggy sneakers around.  No thank you pruney, wrinkled toes! Also, you can forget about wearing flip flops.  I am going to go on a bit of a tangent here.  Why on earth people wear flip flops is beyond me.  I get it, your feet want to be out in the open air.  They want some of that breeze and Vitamin D from the sun.  However, did you know that in countries such as Pakistan where my lovely parents hail from, flip flops are worn when going to the bathroom?  Yea, what a fashion statement.  Thank goodness our seasonally prepared boyfriend wears rain boots or a pair of limited edition Air Force Ones.

To wrap up this list, here are another few requirements.

– Expert kite maker.  We want sailboat kites!

-Best Arnold Palmer maker.

-Professional bike repair so when we have a flat tire or a link in our chain breaks, no worries because you are always well prepared.

-A cooler full of homemade ice cream.  It always makes us happy to know that you carry a variety of 5 flavors at all times, but always managing to keep a few staples like vanilla and chocolate.

What a list my team of specialists (Sanita, Meheriet, Emily and myself) came up with this time around!  I know last time we made it seem at least somewhat attainable.  Well, we searched high and low, but we found him.  Drumroll please!

Fuck Buttons very own Andrew Hung!

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WOAH is right!  When he isn’t making making eardrum tingling music alongside Benjamin Power, he freelances in being a unicorn whisperer.  We could say that we have a runner up, but who else could meet each and every one of our demands and be a “too good for the Olympics” ping pong champion?  Exactly!  P.S. He’s English.  Need we say more?

Thank you Mr. Hung for being so great and wonderful.  To everyone else:  don’t settle for anything less than the best!

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Comments
3 Responses to “For Our Elegant Caste”
  1. Jason says:

    I just caught up on a bunch of your blog entries. I no longer have internet at home. Your updates make more sense now.

  2. Sanita says:

    Yeah for Spring….prepared boyfriends!

  3. I’m giving this Hidden Treasure 4 Stars for these reasons:- Food is Great for some, Good for others, BUT somewhat expensive. For me it was better than good but not Great haha- The Atmosphere is not Great IT’S FANTASTIC. As it is a small boutique inn, as soon as one walks in, the environment is quiet, still, relaxing and truly a pleasurable ambiance. Your not going to see crowds of people. As you keep walking, a statue of Buddha will welcome you to the restaurant.I recommend-Bringing your fiancee, girlfriend, boyfriend, partner.-It is a very romantic place, or a place to just “Chill and have a drink, or Chill and Eat”. -Definately a place where you can sit at the small BAR, have a drink or two while enjoying some tapas with your favorite person.

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